A betrayed wife recently shared on Reddit’s “Off My Chest” subreddit destination that she found out her husband was having an affair when a lawyer called and disclosed the news.
Her post on this issue quickly went viral — with 18.2K upvotes from the Reddit community, along with hundreds of comments of support and advice.
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“Yesterday morning I was contacted by a solicitor,” said the Reddit user, “anoncheatedthrowra,” who added in a follow-up comment that she’s from Ireland.
“I was confused because I don’t have [a] need for one,” she continued.
“She told me that her client is seeking a divorce from his wife due to the wife having an affair.”
The woman on Reddit added, “Their investigator found the affair is with my husband and the client asked the solicitor to inform me since my husband is married. She provided me with proof of the affair.”
Noting she felt “entirely scattered,” the Reddit poster continued, “My brother-in-law is to be married on Saturday. My husband is the best man and is already there to assist with everything.”
She added that she and her “five-month-old daughter were supposed to leave on Friday morning to join them. My husband is unaware that I know. I am shocked — but the proof is right in front of my eyes.”
“Well, that’s just awful,” another Reddit user commented.
“I know this is very emotional for you. Don’t feel rushed to do anything permanent right away. It’s OK to take a moment to fully process what is unraveling before you proceed with any action you want to take.”
The professionals weigh in
One Florida marriage therapist commented that in order to save a marriage after infidelity, a couple in crisis will most likely need “professional help.”
“Cheating immediately affects trust between partners and regaining it is the hardest thing to do,” Colleen Wenner, founder and clinical director of New Heights Counseling & Consulting, in Fort Walton Beach, Florida, told Fox News Digital via email.
“The difficulty lies in not knowing when the trust stops and the lies begin,” she added.
“When one partner cheats on another, there’s a good chance that underlying problems within the relationship already exist,” Wenner also said.
“These issues may include communication, trust, financial difficulties, poor boundaries and unresolved childhood trauma,” she continued.
After learning of infidelity, denying “the truth of the situation” is common for both parties involved, said Wenner.
“One or both parties may try to convince themselves that nothing happened,” she said.
“They may even lie about it. This denial can lead to more deception — which leads to more damage.”
She also said, “Denial has a way of preventing you from getting the needed help.”
Both partners feel like “failures” as a result of the betrayal, Wenner noted.
“The betrayed person feels worthless and unlovable. The betrayer feels guilty and ashamed.”
She also said, “The daggers of doubt and insecurity cut deep into each partner; reconciliation, if pursued, will require time and patience.”
Another therapist told Fox News Digital that after an affair comes to light, feeling shame is “incredibly common” — and yet, the expert added, there is a path forward.
“Know that if you continue your relationship, it will look and feel different — and that’s a good thing,” marriage and family therapist David Khalili, whose practice is in San Francisco, told Fox News Digital via email.
“Whatever dynamic was going on previously may have played a role in the infidelity,” he said. “You both get to start new and work to create the relationship you want.”
“Couples therapy is a great place to start this process,” he added.
Khalili advised asking, “Is this relationship right for me?”
He continued, “If you are the aggrieved partner and this is the six, eighth or 10th time your partner has broken an agreement, ask yourself what is leading you to stay.”
Khalili said he often hears the aggrieved partner “making global statements about losing trust” after the disclosure of infidelity.
“While that makes sense — to react in a self-protective, all-or-nothing approach — it can distract you from the specific areas of your relationship where trust was broken,” he said.
“By having clarity on what form of trust was broken, you can then focus on rebuilding that area and knowing which other aspects feel safe and secure,” he added.
“Do you still trust your partner to parent? Do you trust your partner to be present for conversations? Do you trust them to go to work and financially contribute?” he queried.
“Gaining clarity is essential to repairing the harm,” he also said.